There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
