Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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