I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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