I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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