you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
