so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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