i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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