i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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