You're completely useless in the revolution.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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