I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
