So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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