We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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