I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
