please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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