Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
