guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
