My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
