I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
