I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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