im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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