I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
