Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize