so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
