May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
