I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
