Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
