just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
