worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
