I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
