So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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