Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
