I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we're making bets on your personal life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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