im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to cum in my sink.
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