After last night, I could never be a politician.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
