Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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