Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
