So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
