My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize