She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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