I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
