The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
