i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
