Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
