I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
