I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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