checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we're so committed to being not committed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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