I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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