he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize