i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
