Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
