I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Someone signed my nipple.
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