super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
