'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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