So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
