The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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