dude i'm inner monologue high
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
