why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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