i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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