Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
