i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
