why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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