Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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