I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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