I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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