He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Welp...herpes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
