I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
