My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize