I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
