It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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