i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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