I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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